For the first time in my life I’m single.
It‘s been lonely and took a lot of getting used to.
I’ve had a boyfriend or husband all of my life.
When I left the country to travel I had an amazing boyfriend. A keeper.
One day he commented in his charming southern drawl, “You can’t write about travel sitting in Plano, Texas, Sweetheart.”
Too true. And it was very cool that he was fine with me traveling by myself.
Two days before I was due to fly the bomb dropped.
“I think it will be good for us to have three months apart. We’ll really know how we feel about each other after that.”
Bam! Gut punch!
I knew how I felt about him…
I was crushed.
We had talked about retiring together
I would be writing and he could be out on the ocean fishing. We would walk on the beach together.
And we had spent time doing just that. His house on the water is beautiful.
Just being there with him felt perfect.
A month into my travels he broke up with me.
“Find somebody that can take care of you Sweetheart.”
There was only one deal breaker in our relationship.
I wanted it way more than he did.
I put too much pressure on him.
As much as I didn’t want to admit it, that part of our relationship wasn’t working for either one of us.
In the last six months I haven’t been interested in dating anyone. This is a foreign way of life for me and has helped me grow. I’ve spent long enough in one place to make it completely plausible, but the desire isn’t there.
I had one friend fly in to Australia and spend time with me. The sex was great. But, we weren’t a good match for each other and the trip ended poorly.
Besides those few weeks I’ve been celibate.
Turns out I’m completely ok with that.
I have no interest in guys.
We’ve stayed in touch. A lot. But I had completely given up on our relationship going anywhere past friends. And I was ok with that.
I told him recently that I’ve been without. He was shocked.
These six months have given me a lot of time to figure out who I am.
Turns out I don’t need sex all the time.
I am still interested but I’ve grown past that being a driving force in my life.
Recently he said in his charming southern drawl, “Baby, just come home”.
I’m not sure when yet and don’t have a pressing need to pick a date.
I have three more months to spend exploring New Zealand. And I’m content to do that on my own.
When I do go back it will be without any expectations.
Traveling Solo can be a lonely experience and not all the glamour or hype some people make it out to be.
Travel writing is exciting and challenging. It has given me time to grow. The outcome has surprised me.
I have a healthier outlook on life and a clearer picture of what parts of a relationship are deal breakers for me and which ones aren’t.
But when I do go back, I’ll have an open heart and an open mind.
And no expectations…